How to Make a Woman Happy

How to Make a Woman Happy

It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

When Mori (Japan's President) meets Bill Clinton

A few years ago, Japan’s Prime Minister Mori was givensome Basic English Conversation training before he visited Washington and met president Bill Clinton.

The instructor told Mori “Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Clinton, please say ‘how are you’. Then Mr. Clinton will say,” I’m fine, and you?” Now you should say ‘me too’.Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you.”

It looked quite simple, but the truth was…

When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said “Who Are You?”.

Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:

“Well, I am Hilary’s husband, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.”

Then Mori replied confidently “Me too, hahaha…hahaha…”

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

Short Jokes Version 2

1. When ur life is in darkness... ...
Pray 2 God and ask Him 2 free u from darkness... .. and
If u r still in darkness..Pls pay ur TNB bill.

2. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
You can be sure of one thing;
Either the car is new or the wife.

3. An angry china man entered a shop and shouted :
Where's my free gift with this cooking oil?
Shopkeeper : What free gift??
China man : Oi, here got put "Cholesterol FREE!"

4. If u need ADVICE, SMS ME,
If u need DARLING, CALL ME,
If u need HELP, E-MAIL ME,
IF U NEED MONEY, Nombor yang anda dail, tiada dalam perkhidmatan KAMI,

MAN VS WOMAN

How to Make a Woman Happy

It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

The Worst job

Top 10 Ways To Handle Stress

1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.

2. Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. When someone says, “Have a nice day,” say you have other plans.

5. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

6. Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram.

7. Make a list of things to do that you’ve already done.

8. Dance naked in front of your pets.

9. Put your toddler’s clothes on backwards and send him off to preschool as if nothing were wrong.

10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman Numerals.

Top 10 signs you use the net too often!

1. You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed when you encounter a Web page with no links.
2. When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
3. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
4. You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.
5. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
6. You laugh at people with 56k modems.
7. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
8. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
9. You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 300 hours per month "unlimited."
10. Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer, and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

Marriage

Before marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the tOP...

Short Jokes Version 1

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
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A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
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Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
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Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
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Mr Bean Version 1

1) MR. BEAN SEES A DOCTOR :
Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher : What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean : 9
Teacher : What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you've just
twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend : What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend : Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!